For some reason I just snapped. I'm deeply intolerant of tailgating at
the best of times, but I was in the middle of overtaking and this idiot
drove up behind me flashing his lights and riding my bumper. I'm not
proud of myself, but I braked hard and flipped him the vees. I didn't
feel any better about it afterwards either, I felt like I'd confirmed a
bunch of national stereotypes, whereas the other guy was just a bad
driver. I could make all sorts of crass points about French temperament
based on my observations of a single drive through freezing fog on the
French autoroutes a few days after Christmas, but I would know them to
be just that: crassly generalised observations. France probably has just
as many crap drivers as the UK, so any inclination to ascribe a
national character to some bad driving would say more about me than
anything else. Conversely I couldn't get over the feeling that I had
misrepresented my country and fed a growing national stereotype: the
obstructive, self-interested Englishman. I wanted to catch the guy up
and say, "I'm not another David Cameron, I genuinely was doing what I
felt was necessary to make a point about road safety." But even as I
write that, I realise that I would sound exactly like David Cameron: I
chucked away a pile of international prestige to make a childish point
that did nothing to advance my cause. Obviously my motoring indiscretion
won't have as long lasting or far reaching effects, but it is perhaps a
useful metaphor that I can milk for all it's worth. Of course it only
works if you think that Cameron's recent willy waving exercise in Brussels
was about doing what he thought was right, or just about making a
childish point. The two are not mutually exclusive; like my
brake-in-your-face gesture, Cameron could have been making a very
dangerous, very childish point about something he believed in.
It's usually hard to know what any English politician really believes in
when it comes to Europe, as they're constantly trying to ride the line
of public hysteria whipped up by endless Eurosceptic rhetoric from our
national press, whilst not totally alienating their European
counterparts. Not so David Cameron, he doesn't worry about upsetting the
Europeans, because when it comes to the crunch, they'll respect his
integrity and listen to him. Sure thing Dave.
I should state my own position in all this: I am ideologically
pro-European. Like Churchill, I believe that greater European
integration is inherently a good thing. However, the EU as it exists now
is a horribly distorted and dysfunctional institution that requires
root and branch reform. How did it get this way? It's mostly our fault:
if the UK had taken the sort of role in Europe that De Gaulle had feared
we would, it would certainly not be the two horse race that it has
become. It would probably be more efficient as well. I believe in a
Europe with Britain at the centre of it, not sat in the slow lane making
rude gestures as it passes is by.
In declaring myself pro-European, I realise that I am in the minority
amongst my countrymen. That is not to say that the English (and it is
the English - an independent Scotland would be a much more integrated
part of the EU) are all avowed Eurosceptics, but we do have a funny
relationship with Europe. It must stem at least partly from our island
nation status (again something that's never bothered the Scots), which
is bound up with all sorts of strange notions we got from having an
empire (50+ years ago). If we could think beyond the concept of being in
charge of other nations - which, like it or not, is still the English
ideal of foreign relations - we might be able to see how a functioning
relationship as a major player in Europe might work. Of course it
wouldn't be plain sailing, there are always vested interests, and the
French in particular would take exception to a stronger Anglo-Saxon
influence, which in itself should be a good enough reason for most
Englishmen to want to do it. In fact it is possible that one of the
reasons the French are always pushing for greater integration is that
they know it'll upset the English and ensure they don't want to get
involved in any way other than a briefly obstructive one that leaves us
in the slow lane fuming: it is the diplomatic equivalent of tailgating
us and flashing their lights. It works every time, none more so than
this time. Once again a British politician has returned from the
continent banging on about principles and claiming to have got what they
want whilst having achieved nothing concrete and given their opponents
all the cards.
One of the problems is that it's hard to claim that we've got what we
want when we don't know what we want. It appears that we're not keen to
pull out into the fast lane and race ahead of the French. Stretching
the metaphor as far as it will go, we want to lead all the other cars
onto another road at the next junction. This is simply not going to
happen: every other country sees greater integration as a natural part
of their membership of the EU. The English on the other hand are
unlikely to ever be happy with such an idea. This means we have to face
the reality of our situation: we have probably blown our chance of
having a Europe that is sufficiently to our tastes, so we are left with
the option of either using our waning influence to modify the extremes
of EU legislation, or withdraw altogether and be like Norway - the only
European country to comply with all EU legislation because they need to.
Unfortunately if my little car journey is any indicator, the signs are
not good. Shortly after my altercation with the Frenchman, I got on the
train and came back to Britain.
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